If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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