I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
