It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
