wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
