You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
