Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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