its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
