I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
