I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
