just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
