i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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