think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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