he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
