I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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