get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just had sex bonerless
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
