I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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