I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
