You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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