wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
