I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
