his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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