Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Will exercising make me less horny?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
