Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Your dad touched me again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
