I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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