Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
