I accidentally burped into my bong.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
