You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
