You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
