Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
