My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
