I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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