We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
