So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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