we have officially lost it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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