You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
