You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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