You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
