I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
