so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
