I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
