I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
