i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
