im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Randomize
