I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
