I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
