look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
