There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
