Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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