five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
soo... how was my night?
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