Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
