So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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