you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
